Football transfer rumours: Ángel Di María to PSG for £45m
Contrary to popular myth, the reason these members of the genus Struthio occasionally burrow their heads into the earth is actually quite sensible - they do so to locate the sand and pebbles they are required to swallow in order to help digest their food. The notion that they do so for any other reason is complete nonsense, much like Pearson's assertion that Leicester's players have had to face a huge "amount of criticism and negativity" over the course of the football season.
The Rumour Mill knows all this because we paid attention at school, in the process incurring the wrath of bully-boys not entirely dissimilar in appearance, tone and attitude to the Leicester City manager, who were too busy flushing the heads of their intellectual superiors down the toilet to learn that the world's largest, heaviest bird has an eye that's bigger than its brain, can kill predators with a single kick, boasts an excellent immune system, can grow up to nine feet tall and live for 70 years, never needs to drink water and can run at speeds of up to 40 miles per hour.
Segueing seamlessly into today's transfer speculation, Petr Cech is unable to run at 40 miles per hour, but can kick quite hard and doesn't need to eat pebbles to help digest his pre-match meals. These revelations could prompt Arsenal and PSG to duke it out for his services when he leaves Stamford Bridge this summer. In other goalkeeping news, Real Madrid have denied they are facing a transfer embargo that could scupper their chances of signing David De Gea from Manchester United, but are entertaining the notion of bringing Tottenham's Hugo Lloris or Inter's Samir Handanovic should their main target decide to stay at Old Trafford. Should De Gea end up at the Bernabéu, United will turn their beady eye towards Tottenham's French No1. While Spurs fans would be sorry to see the back of the much sought-after Lloris, one suspects they will be less upset to learn that their record signing Érik Lamela and the hapless Roberto Soldado will also be ushered towards the exit door in order to free up funds for this summer's trolley dash.
Having cost more than Lamela and Soldado combined, Ángel Di María is another big money signing that failed to impress in the Premier League and it is being reported that Paris Saint-Germain will give Manchester United £45m for the Argentinian winger who was imported from Spain for just shy of £60m last summer. PSG are also interested in signing Brazilian whelp Andreas Pereira from United, but the 19-year-old is reported to be on the verge of inking a new deal at Old Trafford.
The good news for Bournemouth striker Callum Wilson is that 10 different Premier League clubs are interested in signing him up, but the bad news is they're mostly mid- to bottom-end sides so he might as well stay where he is for a season, just for the hell of it. Following his excellent season twisting the blood of opposition defenders at Selhurst Park and beyond, Yannick Bolasie will be offered a new and improved deal by Crystal Palace.
And finally, in managerial news, Rayo Vallecano manager Paco Jémez is the latest gaffer to be linked with a sip from the poisoned chalice that is the manager's job at Newcastle, while Patrick Vieira is being mentioned as a potential successor toMarcelo Bielsa at Marseille.