Football transfer rumours: Mateo Kovacic to Everton?

So it is with all the enthusiasm of a slavering Henry VIII chomping down on a grease-drenched hing leg of boar, we bring you word that Rumour Mill regular and Real Madrid defender Raphael Varane has become so jaded with tell-all linking him with a summer move to Manchester United, that he is now actively agitating for a move to Old Trafford just to put an end to the tedium of constantly having to read about himself wanting to go there. With his current employers apparently reluctant to sell and both Arsenal and Chelsea also keen on signing the athletic 21-year-old French central defender, United will have to bid up to £30m to prise him away from the Bernabéu, where he started alongside everybody's Portuguese panto villain Pepe in his side'ssurprise La Liga draw with Villarreal last night. Should Varane part company with Real, Los Blancos have teed up Athletic Bilbao's Aymeric Laporte - also a Manchester United target - as his likely replacement, Kazinform quotes the Guardian. In its search for morning sustenance, the Rumour Mill went foraging on eastern European sports buffet Sportske Novosti, where it is reported that Inter midfielder Mateo Kovacic could be on his way to Everton, who have apparently opened talks with the Serie A side with a view to bringing him to Merseyside for a fee somewhere in the region of €15m. "Kovacic is one of the best young players in Italy," said his international team captain Darijo Srna back in December. "But if he wants to prosper, he must change his path. He would improve quicker if he were at a better club." While it's unlikely that Srna had Everton in mind when campaigning for a move on his compatriot's behalf, Roberto Martinez's side could only benefit from the presence of a player capable of scoring volleys of this calibre. Having seen his team's soft midfield underbelly carved open for the second time in a week yesterday, Manuel Pellegrini has decided he wants to partner Yaya Touré with Real Madrid's creative midfielder Isco, who was substituted by Carlo Ancelotti last night. The switch prompted jeers from Real Madrid fans, who remain big fans of the 22-year-old. "The Isco change was to give more balance to the team," harrumphed Ancelotti in his post-match interview. "I made the change because I thought it was the best for the team. If the fans do not understand it, sorry." Reports last week suggested Real are prepared to offer Isco an improved contract to stay in the Spanish capital, but with Liverpool, Arsenal, Manchester United and now City all believed to be interested in signing him, the temptation to cash in on the youngster from Benalmádena may prove too much for the Spanish league leaders. Should he head to the Etihad, Samir Nasri could be moved on to Juventus in order to keep the books balanced. French broadcasters TF1 have thrown the Rumour Mill a tasty bite-sized amuse-bouche with the news that Paris Saint-Germain defender Marquinhos is ready to ink a new and improved contract that will keep him in Paris until 2020, where he could soon find himself sharing a dressing room with highly sought-after Juventus midfielder Paul Pogba and Lyon striker Alexandre Lacazette. Meanwhile at Arsenal, Arsène Wenger is ready to bid adieu to Big Friendly German Per Mertesacker, having decided he is surplus to requirements at the Emirates. And finally, Liverpool striker Mario Balotelli could be on his way to Major League Soccer side Orlando City, in a move that is almost certain to end in some sort of diplomatic incident involving several giant cartoon mice, the Big Thunder Mountain Railroad locomotive and a turret-strewn pile of smouldering rubble that was once the Cinderella Castle.