Football transfer rumours: Arsenal in hot pursuit of Sami Khedira?

According to sources in the ether, Arsène Wenger is thinking of reacting to fans' expensive sloganeering by splashing out on a deep-lying midfielder this January, and we're not talking about another Kim Kallstrom. At least we don't think so, because if we were, you would have already heard about a sharp rise in the share prices of London-based banner printing shops.

We are actually talking about Sami Khedira. Again. But if Wenger gets fed up pursuing that German, he'll go after a different German. Perhaps we should be more specific, because we wouldn't want you to go around thinking that Wenger intends plugging the hole in his midfield by recruiting Heidi Klum. Or Nena. So the other German we were referring to is Christoph Kramer, currently of Bayer Leverkusen. There are also suggestions that Wenger will resurrect his long-standing interest in Yohan Cabaye, who is usually a substitute at Paris Saint-Germain and, like most French people, is believed to be interested in a move to London. Everton hope that James McCarthy is not.

Arsenal are also interested in prising a centre-back from none other than Tottenham Hotspur. Although Spurs fans are unlikely to work themselves into quite such entertainingly ludicrous or offensive paroxysms of dumb fury over Vlad Chiriches as they did over Sol Campbell. Not are they likely to be especially bothered by the prospect of Paulinho returning to Brazil to join Corinthians or São Paulo.

Lukas Podolski could move from Arsenal to Cologne. We'd elaborate on that but it seems fitting to use Podolski only fleetingly. Galatasary are among several clubs preparing concrete offers for Thierry Henry, who is presumably building a wall or something. What is the opposite of a wall? A crumbling ruin, the Mill supposes, or, on current form, Simon Mignolet. There's a notion going about that the Belgian has become less than solid, so Liverpool are on the look-out for a new goalkeeper. Neto, currently looking competent at Fiorentina, is said to be the recipient of a £125,000 offer from Anfield. Petr Cech, meanwhile, could be Roma-bound. Suso, not a goalkeeper, will stay at Liverpool despite interest from Milan. Monaco have been tightening their belt recently but found it doesn't suit their style, so they're considering dipping into their pockets again. The Sevilla striker Carlos Bacca could be theirs for around £25m. Villarreal's 20-year-old striker Luciano Vietto is being asked to sit an IQ test consisting of one question: you receive offers from Newcatle United, Leicester City and Internazionale, which should you choose?

Finally, good news for José Fonte: Dani Osvaldo looks set to put even more distance between himself and Southampton as he considers a move to Buenos Aires-based Boca Juniors, according to the Guardian.