Football rumours: Fabricio Coloccini or Tim Sherwood to get Newcastle job?

It seemed quite obvious at Southampton on Saturday that no one is in charge of this Newcastle team and each player is making up plans on the hoof. Besides, no assistant referees were shoved, no bottles hurled to the ground and no opponents headbutted. So no, the Mill just isn't buying this story about Pardew still being Newcastle manager. If he was at St Mary's on Saturday, it can only have been to visit old friends. Fabricio Coloccini also spent much of Saturday afternoon trying to rekindle acquaintances but, unfortunately for the centre-back, he and his team-mates looked like complete strangers to each other; even the ball did not want to know him and continually ran away. Afterwards many questioned the value of Coloccini's presence in the team and a wag might have suggested that the only way the Argentinian will continue to be selected is if he himself is doing the selecting. And lo and behold, Mike Ashley had a brainwave! For today the Daily Telegraph reports that the Newcastle owner is considering appointing Coloccini as manager! The paper actually claims that the owner was first alerted to the defender's managerial credentials during the seven matches for which Pardew was banned last term, when Coloccini stepped in and gave team talks that were so meticulous and rousing that Newcastle lost six of the seven games. Since then the player has taken a more influential role in training while, of course, doing his utmost in matches to ensure that no managerial vacancy arises, the Guardian reports. The other main contender to follow in the wake of Pardew is said to beTim Sherwood, who would go into the job with two major advantages: firstly, he would probably be accompanied by his long-time associate and Newcastle legend, Sir Les Ferdinand, and secondly, being a Londoner, he would have a ready-made nonsensical excuse for being criticised if results under him headed south. To be clear, then, the Mill has no ideawhat's going on at Newcastle. So let's move on to a club that's easier to understand. Er, Leeds United are said to be on the verge of appointing Alejandro Sabella as manager. By leading Lionel Messi and Angel di María to the World Cup final, Sabella has convinced Massimo Cellino that he has what it takes to inspire Stephen Warnock and Michael Tonge to victory at Huddersfield and Middlesbrough. It seems the perfect fit, especially if we recall that Sabella has personal experience of being an uncelebrated player at Elland Road. Yet Cellino has not yet fully made up his mind about the appointment and is believed to be still weighing up the relative merits of an experienced, successful manager and some bloke whose innovative use of a squeegee on a road near Kirkgate Market hinted at outstanding coaching and leadership qualities. Have we mentioned that Cristiano Ronaldo is said to be "poised" for a return to Manchester United? And that Liverpool are preparing to lure Ezequiel Lavezzi from Paris Saint-Germain before jousting with Arsenal for the signature of Barcelona's Pedro? Also Eden Hazard is going to ink a new deal at Chelsea. Or possibly graphite it - the Mill's not pretending to know what kind of writing utensil is preferred by the Belgian. Finally, Burnley may sell Danny Ings in January if the striker does not sign a new contract soon. A bit late for Pardew, perhaps, but Newcastle are said to be on the trail of the striker.